A lot of people fail at what they do simply because they try to be someone else instead of acknowledging their inner power. Dana Pharant joins this episode to teach the brand of authentic empowerment, embracing your quirks, and taking full advantage of it. Learning how to hold and step into your power properly, she explains what women need to do to command attention and get in touch with your inner intuition. Know what the possibilities are when you show passion about what you’re doing and talking about, and impact people’s lives without actually being a perfect speaker. Additionally, Dana also expands on why you need to be establishing trust in order to maximize your business and personal success.
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Authentic Empowerment Through Healing with Dana Pharant
My guest is different from anyone we’ve had in the past and I’m excited about it. Before we get to her, I want to remind you guys to go over and follow us on YouTube at Superbrand Publishing. We are trying to get up to that magic 1,000 follower figure and we’re doing it slowly, so please go over and help us. Don’t forget to go over and take our Promote, Profit, Publish Quiz and find out where your skillset lies when you’re ready to publish that book. Are you ready? Have you laid your groundwork? Have you connected it to the entrepreneurial things that you want to sell? Remember, we never make a ton of money from our books. It’s all those other products and services that are helpful.
Our guest is Dana Pharant and she is the Inner Dominatrix. Having built a seven-figure business without sales calls and as a former dominatrix, Dana knows all about owning her power and being unique. She has worked with clients for many years helping them step into the energy of their inner dominatrix and she’s written five books. You have another one, is that right?
We released the Badass Intuition, so that’s book number five.
She’s won multiple awards and treats her own personal development like an extreme sport. Who doesn’t? Welcome, Dana.
Thank you, Juliet.
The reason I had you on is because you have chosen a niche and owned it. I was on one of the Dana’s calls one time and there was a group of ladies there who had a niche that was accounting for the whole religious community, and I never knew there was a niche there. When you think about that, when you grab a great niche, you can own it. Tell us a little bit about your background on how you got to where you are.You need to bring your quirks. You need to bring what is that little piece that makes you memorable and makes you stand out and you lean into that. Click To Tweet
I have to go back. I grew up in a cult, so that’s the first piece of it, which is also quite striking for a lot of people. In leaving that, I went on this long journey to find healing and of course, there was abuse that happened in the cult as well. I was on this journey to figure out, how do I get this out of my body? How do I break free from it? It was always this drive and at the same time, I came across the kink world so that’s the slang for the BDSM like Fifty Shades of Grey if people still don’t know what we’re talking about.
I ended up experiencing the most profound healing through that and it’s completely mind-blowing for people. You think, “You’ve been through abuse so you’re going to go somewhere where people are going to beat on you? Does that make sense?” The reality is that the scenes are all loosely scripted and you plan out what’s going to happen, and you also plan out the outcome. We were able to reenact the abuse and create a different outcome with that container, having that safe space to explore. That’s when I discovered I had been depressed for twenty years and nobody had labeled and found it.
Because of these sessions and finally coming out and going, “Look at that grey drizzly sky. That’s pretty,” at the same time, at the back of my mind going, “I’ve never had that thought before.” I realized that I had been depressed all this time and this is what led me to want to take other people on this same journey. That’s what got me into becoming a dominatrix, learning all of those skills, and becoming. You have to change and you have to lean into it. You can’t fake it. This is not something that’s like, “I’m just going to pick up with it and we’re going to pretend.” It doesn’t work that way. You have to be all-in, which required me to change.
Eventually, I realized that that wasn’t the long-term plan but I realized that who I became as a dominatrix was vital for women in business. It’s that energy of standing in your power of owning who you are and your expertise and how you show up in the world that moves people from a business that pays you to the business ownership level where you are earning money, whether you work in the business or not. It’s that difference and that’s what developed this Inner Dominatrix platform that I launched off, this whole brand of authentic empowerment through the inner dominatrix.
For all of you out there that are going, “Did I read Fifty Shades of Grey?” I know you did. I have a funny story. I was at my daughter’s soccer game and she’s playing Premier Soccer. I was listening to Audible but I could also hear that the clapping was off in the game. I looked down the row and all of the moms had their kindles out. I was like, “What are you all reading?” Because they weren’t clapping and they were all reading that book and not paying attention to the game. I know you secret people out there know what she’s talking about.
It was a runaway.
Because we all wanted that guy who sounded so hot. Tell us how did you translate that from that inner healing journey into the business that you have where you are a seven-figure entrepreneur, leading the way for other women to experience this.
It’s this piece around the energy of it, so who do you have to become? It’s the changing things so that women can find a sense of confidence, and learning to trust themselves, which translates into being open and detached from the outcome which helps to create trust with others. The piece of being willing to be visible and being willing to be seen, having all of that is a big factor. Communicating that to people, that’s what women are hungry for. I work with a lot of successful women who don’t see themselves as successful. They’re like, “I made $500,000 last year, but I didn’t make $1 million,” or, “I made $1 million but I didn’t make $5 million.” There’s this constant pull.
For me, it is getting in touch with those people, having that language, and showing them what can change when we change the internal landscape. That’s been my route to success. Working a lot one-on-one with people, but having some group programs as well and creating that platform for people to step into. There’s a huge need for women to step into their power but in a different way than what most people are putting out.
Let’s talk about that a little bit. I know this is probably going to be a little bit controversial, but women are always talking about they’re oppressed. They’re out there protesting that they don’t have rights and by the same token, they’re not owning their own power. They’re blaming it on others. That’s my perception of what’s going out in the world. When you look at the corporate world, there are a lot of women who will say, “A man calls me a bitch if I exert my power.” They’re exerting it in the wrong way. There’s a lot of that out in the corporate world where women don’t understand the power grid in the way they should.There's a huge need for women to step into their power but in a different way than what most people are putting out. Click To Tweet
There are many layers here. This is a great point because the dynamic for centuries has been that we as women need men in order to be safe and be taken care of. Women didn’t work earning, so we relied on catching a good mate in order to be sustained in a lifestyle that we wanted. That’s the reality of it. It’s only been the last 100 years or so that this has changed, so we have generations of this imprinting where we as women have used our sexual prowess to attract the right mate. What I see a lot is that women come into the corporate world, they haven’t been mentored, no lifting from above, and no, “Let me take you under my wing and I’ll show you what you need to be doing,” so we’re guessing.
We have this imprint where we come along and we’re in a mixed company. What happens is that we bring a little bit of that sexual energy and it’s confusing. We try to step into our power. Because we’re not owning it, we get assertive and aggressive as opposed to the quiet feminine power. That’s a big difference. For me, the dominatrix doesn’t necessarily have to say or do anything to command attention. She walks into a room completely silent and heads turn because of who she is and how she shows up.
That’s what I see where women, whether it’s corporate or business, need to start to learn how to hold their power in a way that is both feminine and strong. You can’t do what men are doing. It doesn’t work. There are ways that we can stand in that room, hold our power, and people respect us, but it does take a little bit of shifting of the old programming and old dynamics. Eventually, we get to this place where it is that piece of we walk in and people are like, “Who’s that?”
Talk about that a little bit, because in order to sell anything when you’re a business owner, you need to be able to establish trust. That same thing you said about trusting your confidence when you walk into the room and trusting your power, that’s all intermixed in there. When you create an offer and you put that offer together and present it, if you don’t sound confident, the person on the other side gets that. Talk about that a little bit. How do you build that trust?
I would suggest everybody go and grab a copy of the Badass Intuition. You can get that over at InnerDominatrix.com and you can get a PDF copy for free or you can go to Amazon and you can buy a copy. Support me.
Don’t give them the free one. That’s not empowering.
They’ve got a choice. It’s not as fun to read on a PDF. The first thing I always get people to do is to start to get in touch with your intuition. As women, we have an innate ability to connect with our intuition on a deeper level. This is my personal opinion and what I’ve seen with all of my clients. When we function from our intuition, we’re more effective and we spend less time doing things like making decisions, figuring out what’s the best route. “Which do I do? This publishing or that publishing? This book or that book?”
All of those things that cause us to go into our space of doubting ourselves change. The core piece is getting that intuition piece locked down. That’s going to start to build confidence in yourself. When you start trusting your knowing, now we can ramp it up. We’re getting to this place of being detached from the outcome. When we’re doing sales, it needs to be an offer of, “I see that I can help you in this,” but also being completely detached from whether they buy or not because the moment that you’re detached, you start pulling people in as opposed to pushing them away.
If I’m at this place where it’s like, “Julia, I have many clients. I’m not sure I can fit you in but if you want to book a consultation, go ahead. We’ll talk about it. We’ll see if I can fit you in,” as opposed to, “Can I put you in for a consult next week?” That’s extreme but there’s a difference. It’s getting to that place where we pull people in magnetically as opposed to hunting them. That’s the other big switch, especially for women. By nature, we are gatherers so we need to pull people in, not go out and do the hunt and kill.
I’m going to say something because when you were doing that, I was thinking of the women I know as well who do that same thing with men. Once you get it, it applies to a lot of spaces in your world.Start to get in touch with your intuition. As women, we have an innate ability to connect with our intuition on a deeper level. Click To Tweet
In the dating world, this is true. A woman walks into a bar and you can tell whether she’s on the hunt for a mate by the reaction of the men. They’re gone because they can sense that clingy desperation and our potential client’s sense that clingy desperation. We are hardwired to have this idea that I only want to work with people who are busy and in demand because they’re going to be better. If you’re desperate, then you might not be good.
It’s about valuing yourself as well, which how many entrepreneurs do we know that don’t value their skill and pricing? “I have no idea what to charge,” or, “That doesn’t feel good asking for that money.” You have to get good at valuing that inside of yourself. It’s trusting yourself and then having other people trust you.
This spills out into many things. I have a client that I worked with and I ended up saving her $25,000 because she was seriously considering signing up for this sales coaching program. I sat down in our session and I was like, “What are you going to get out of that?” I made her look at the fact that she already has all of those skills but she was looking for something outside to validate her skills instead of her owning it. I did one session with her and changed that perspective. I saved her $25,000. That’s a good return on investment in one session.
For the people who are coaches, that is invaluable because they buy many shiny objects. “This is going to make me the next big thing.” They don’t think about the long-term sustainability of a business. There’s too much instant gratification. “Six figures in six months,” that’s not how you run a business. There are ups and downs and it’s never six figures in six months right off the bat. It’s a pipe dream. We get a lot of that shininess, too. You have to trust yourself to know that you don’t need that shininess. You need people who are truth-tellers.
I was in a coaching program back in 2016. The woman was trying to make me into her. We were doing the webinar and she had these hands extended. “I’m going to give you a gift.” The first one I did flopped and I gave it to a friend of mine to look at who was a sales and marketing expert because I am too, but when I look at my own stuff, I don’t see it.
We can’t see the label from inside the jar.
We’re all like that. He took one look at that recorded webinar and he was like, “Who was that?” You are a truth-teller and you tell it like it is and that whole, “Here’s your gift,” is not you. I bounced along with that program for another three months and then I quit. I said, “I’m not you.” We rebranded me as the truth-teller business and marketing coach, and everything took off because it was authentic. You have to be able to trust that piece of you. If it doesn’t feel good for you, it’s not going to feel good for other people.
You have to be lit up about what you’re doing and what you’re talking about. I’ve always said to people that you don’t have to be a perfect speaker. You don’t have to have the perfect words because the majority of what we communicate is non-verbal. It is who you are, how you show up, and who you be that communicates to people. The words are only 7% and then your body gestures are something like 13%, so it’s small. When you are aligned and you’re connected with, “This is who I am. This is my purpose,” and for me, it’s the dominatrix piece that if I stay with that, that’s authentic and I can talk into that. That is what is magnetic and compelling for people. We don’t have to be perfect, but we do have to be authentic.
I’ve had a lot of speaking mentors. I’ll use my slide deck and I’m like, “These are the bullet boards. You can take a picture of it,” but I talk and take questions in everything right in the middle because that’s natural for me. It’s a cue to get me back to where I was supposed to be before I got off on my little rant. That’s another piece of authenticity though. Many of us go out with this practiced canned marketing and speech. “I’m going to take this on the road,” and it doesn’t feel good. One of my clients Merrill Chandler, is natural at what he does that people gravitate towards workshops. It’s that same thing. It’s because he’s goofy as hell but it serves him.
You need to bring your quirks. You need to bring what is that little piece that makes you memorable and makes you stand out and you lean into that. I’m inclined to the inner work but when we get over the pieces that say, “Don’t do that. Don’t lean into that,” then we show up fully. We say, “These are my quirks. I’m going to show up with this quirk.” I’ve met people with pink hair and they’ve embraced it. They’re working in corporate and it works because it’s them. When we embrace those pieces and make ourselves wrong, then we can lean into all the power of marketing because we need to be unique and we need to stand out. There’s also this trust piece that if we show up authentic, quirks and all, people are like, “I feel like I can trust you. It feels like you’re being honest with me. It feels like you’re not hiding anything from me.”You have to be lit up about what you're doing and what you're talking about. You don't have to be a perfect speaker and have the perfect words because the majority of what we communicate is non-verbal. Click To Tweet
That’s true, especially in a sales situation. I know you haven’t looked at our quizzes, but that’s why I love the quizzes because I have a lot of information in front of me so I can get down to them. What’s it about them? Why isn’t this working? It’s a great tool. Where can we find you? We already know about your book.
I have the great distinction along with the inner dominatrix piece keeping me unique. My name, I’m the only one in the world, Dana Pharant. You’re welcome to look me up on LinkedIn and connect with me there. The website is DanaPharant.com, so definitely hook me up if you are ready to step into your power. I am ready to have a conversation.
Thank you for being on the show. This has been great.
It’s my pleasure.
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- Fifty Shades of Grey
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About Dana Pharant
Having built a 7-figure business without sales calls and as a former Dominatrix, Dana knows all about owning her power and being unique. She has worked with clients for over 25 years, helping them step into the energy of the Inner Dominatrix. She has written 5 books, won multiple awards and treats her own personal development like an extreme sport.
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