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How To Build Relationships In Sales with Tiffany Peterson

I want to invite you to go over and take our Promote, Profit, Publish Quiz. You can find it at www.PromoteProfitPublishQuiz.com and find out where your skill set is measuring up to where you want to be successful. Are you making it or are you not? Our guest is Tiffany Peterson. She is a seasoned speaker and international coach guiding individuals and audiences in creating thriving lives and business results. Before founding her own company, The Lighthouse Principles, Tiffany worked with many popular brands such as Franklin Covey’s The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, the world famous, Rich Dad Poor Dad series and Jack Canfield, creator of the Chicken Soup for the Soul series. Tiffany has been responsible for achieving sales budgets that range upwards of $40 million in annual revenue. She loves sharing her sales secrets and strategies with others to help them create sustainable income living their business dreams. You can find out more about her and creating your ideal life and results at www.TiffanySpeaks.com. Welcome, Tiffany.

Thank you so much for having me.

I’m excited to have you here. You never know where you’re going to meet people. I met Tiffany at a small intimate luncheon and found out that she does an amazing job with coaching, sales and self-care, which is important. Thank you.

It’s fun to cross paths with you.

We’re going to talk about relationship building because as a sales expert, you know how to build those relationships.

I love this topic because when it comes to sales, which we all know is our number one business skill. It’s also the area that we can sometimes have a lot of fear attached to or uncertainty or disconnect is coming back to the heartbeat of being successful and sales are about being successful in a relationship. Successful as you and I’ve talked about connecting, conversation and the way that we show up in relationships. There are two things to be great at sales. The first is that we show up intentionally to nourish our relationships. What I often called nourish your network and talking through that in detail with you. Secondly is learning to ask better questions. The aspect of what we’re asking, not what we’re telling has more influence on someone.

I love to say this, “The reality is that humans all have the same core essential needs.” You have them. I have them. Everyone that’s reading this that you know has the same core essential human needs and those needs are to feel respected, to feel valued and to feel seen. Do I matter to you? Am I significant? Crucially, it’s the skill or the need to feel heard. I love to say in any relationship, feeling heard is like oxygen to the relationship both personally and professionally. That doesn’t always mean it will agree. We’re conscious of creating space where people feel heard.

When we remember that whether we’re in technology, we’re in real estate, we’re a fellow coach or you’re in health or wellness, whatever your industry is. All of us are in the people business and all of us that we love life, work with, want to work with clients, you name it, you’re dealing with humans. Those humans have same core essential needs. I love this topic because it’s coming back to something we know is a true principle but it’s like being renewed in it or being recommitted to. I want to be more intentional in my relationships. I want to show up more present. I want to help others feel like they mattered to me.

I remember years ago reading this quote by Mary Kay Ash, the founder of Mary Kay Cosmetics, who was a big-time trailblazer in a whole new industry of direct sales, specifically for women and women that wanted to work from home. She would say this, “Imagine everyone that you meet is walking around with a sign around their neck that says, “Make me feel important,” as well as the essence of, “Do I matter to you? Am I valued by you?”” As we come back home to the core essence of why you’re in business, why your business will be succeeding or sometimes why it’s struggling is we’ve forgotten the essential heartbeat of our business is whether with our employees, the people we’re married to or partnered with or the people we want to attract into clientele. Much of our success in life has everything to do with how we’re connecting in our relationships.

You and I were talking about digital and how people got into digital for a while so now it feels impersonal. Can you talk a little bit about that?

Building Relationships In Sales: Conversation is what leads to conversion.

One of the things we’ve seen is you think about humans essentially have a need for connection. I have it. You have it. It’s like the lunch, the group that we’ve met through, gathering to connect. It’s the power and the nurture of doing that. As a society, as we’ve gone digital and so much technology, the irony is that what we’re going to see more of is this uprising of what some authors and thought leadership is talking about is the loneliness epidemic that’s on our hands. Across the board in the last several years, suicide rates are up, some research that I’ve looked at says 25%. I had the opportunity to give a TEDx Talk and talking about what I’m calling the comparison crisis, where we’re often in comparison and disconnection. It’s not to have this heaviness, but it is true. We’re seeing more and more people are struggling with loneliness because we’re more connected digitally like technology, which I love. We’re connected through technology right now. Humans will never outgrow the need to feel like, “Do I belong? Do I matter? Am I heard? Does this company even care about me?” Your clientele, their core essential need is to say, “Do I matter to you? Do you care about me?” That comes from the personal touch or the power of conversation is what leads to conversion.

I love to teach my full sales training that connection equals clients equals cash. I love that for alliterations but in essence, your sales revenue is directly attached to your ability to create you and your sales staff is are we creating a culture of community, of connection. Where we’re in dialogue that we’re meeting that essential need is that digital marketing is still has a massive place in our world, at least social media, websites, online traffic, it’s still a massive force. It’s not to shun it, but the reality is that if we’re going to have sustainability going to come from what’s your reputation? Do you deliver? Do people feel valued in your presence online or in person? These are basic human skills. That’s why we know it’s easy to go, “Am I writing handwritten notes? Am I taking clients to lunch? Am I spending time with my employees and we’re connecting and getting to know each other? Are we nourishing the relationship? What we water grows and what we ignore dies. That’s true for your health. That’s true for your relationships personally or professionally is we all know how to get in a relationship but sustainability to stay in the relationship or to have clients be repeat customers or to become a raving fan.

I love Kevin Kelly’s work, that 1,000 raving fans article about are you creating raving fans because they do so much of your marketing for you. They’re out saying, “Juliet and her team, look what they deliver or look what Tiff does for our group or she over delivered at our conference.” Are you creating a rich, nourished relationship? That to me is something I’m super passionate about and committed to. Am I perfect at it myself? No, I’m not perfect at nourishing relationships all the time to the level that I would like but I’m sure committed. That commitment brings me back over and over again to do the little things, which are everything in a relationship.

All of that is precious because when I look out in the coaching world, I see a lot of self-promotion versus service and you hit that. The people who are truly practicing what you’re talking about are servers and the others are self-promoters, which the big gurus where you never get to touch them. You’re part of their program but you never see them or you get fifteen minutes a quarter with them. This is important stuff being available for your tribe as well. How do you make suggestions to those you work with?

Number one is I invite them to schedule it. Someone that I’ve learned from in this field, Brendon Burchard, I remember once in one of his seminars or books said, “Success is scheduled.” It’s important to schedule it. For myself, every other Friday on my calendar I have an automatic reminder that pops up that says RN. The RN stands for Relationship Nourishment. Sometimes that Friday I might be traveling, I might be speaking, I might be playing, but I’m regularly reminded where it’s become second nature for me. We often think those thoughts. It’s following through. If it works for you, I’d like to offer a few suggestions. I’d love for all of you to think about who’s on your VIP list and VIP list of a couple of different relationships. You have personal. You have existing clientele, which I want you all to star or circle existing clientele because that is where your biggest opportunity for depth of sales lives is people who already do business with you. As we know the classic phrase in sales is that people do business with those they know, like and trust. It’s truly giving that love and energy watering. We’re out nourishing that garden of existing clientele.

Your peers or colleagues is another form of a VIP clientele and finally new business. You can even put that in a quadrant grid is sometimes I teach it that way. We have that in a sheet where it’s the top left is a personal relationship. Top right is the existing clientele. Bottom left is your peers or colleagues. Bottom right is your new relationship. Thinking about your VIPs, which would be those three quadrants that are already in your life, that love you, support you. This could be friendships and a significant other to existing clientele or maybe peers and colleagues, people that might be in your company or you might have worked with before or that you’re in similar positions. You’re connected through an association. It’s aware of your VIP clientele, the people that do the most business with you or bring you the most support is prioritizing that you touch and connect with them ideally at least quarterly like a legit connection. It’s where they get to hear from you that personal touch, the power of the personal touches. That might be a lunch, that might be going and getting a massage or a pedicure together, that might be sending them flowers or a gift box. That might be simply a handwritten note.

I’m a big fan. I’m a little old school. I love stationery and cards. I keep them here in my office. I often travel with them. I love the handwritten note. Where everything is so digital, it’s like in thought processes. What everyone is doing is do the opposite. It’s how do you show up in someone’s mailbox that they can touch and they can feel. It’s that you’re connecting with them. A conversation where you dialogue and ask questions, “How are you? How’s life? How are your kids? How’s a business?” How’s whatever the thing is that you do and deliver for them. Checking in to them is at a minimum your VIPs know that might be the equation that sometimes referred to in sales. The 20% who produce 80% of your revenue is given those 20% high touch.

You might even gather them for a retreat or take them on an excursion or host a client appreciation barbecue in the summer or a holiday party, gifts and things like that is you look at the profit margin. I do have a philosophy that for every $1 a client invests in you, a percentage goes back into the client. Let’s say someone makes a $50,000 contract with you quarterly or annually or whatever your business model might be. Looking at your hard costs and your profit margin but a percentage of that. For me as a coach who I regularly do retreats or live events, a portion of the event ticket goes back into a gift. That might be a custom water bottle that’s high quality like stainless steel type thing, it might be a book, a series of essential oils, bath balms or based on what retreat we’re doing.

A portion of my income or profit margin always goes back into the student and I think that’s good business. I also think if someone’s referring business to you, it’s like if you go to a restaurant and someone opens the door for you, a complete stranger. Most of us would say to that stranger, “Thank you.” The power of appreciation is so important. To be the person that’s regularly cultivating, not perfect, but committed to fostering the, “Thank you,” and to say it verbally, to send it in a text, “Thank you so much for showing up for me or thank you so much for this.” If someone who refers business that signs with you, send them a gift card to their favorite restaurant, book a massage for them and send them to the day spa. Do something that you’re expressing that appreciation that can be seen, felt, heard or experienced.

It’s thinking about your 20% of VIPs we want to touch them regularly because they’re filling up your funnel for you, like much of my business is referral-based. I know this principle where I don’t even have the sexiest demo reel for sure. It’s not even out there as a speaker but I have lots of speaking opportunities because it’s the intention of working on the speaking stuff, but it’s also as important as working on the relationship business. It’s nourishing a great relationship. It’s thinking about for each of you that are reading this is thinking about what are great ways people have nourished you or that you’ve nourished others. How can you schedule it so it happens regularly or maybe your assistant or something? After you have a client sign with you, is there a process? Maybe it’s automated even.

Building Relationships In Sales: The number one reason someone leaves the company is their relationship with their boss and their relationship with others.

I’ve had a great experience with a company called Infusionsoft years ago. I highlight that as I was looking like a small business owner to up-level my CRM software. I purchased from them. Here’s why they stood out to me. Three days later after they had a great sales process experience, they already had my credit card. They’d already charged it. They already had the money. Three days later, a free thank you gift showed up in my inbox. That’s likely automated on their side, but it still was a deposit. You look at relationships like are we depositing in them? Similar as I use the example, are we watering that? It’s that are we depositing the same thing we could say for our own bodies and health is that you have to be regularly putting fuel in the tank for it to thrive and for it to grow. Our relationship is the same way I will never outgrow the need to feel important to you and neither will you. We all can relate to this. Some of us have been married and divorced or friendships or companies we started with. What’s the number one reason someone leaves the company?

Probably because they’re not happy or they don’t feel important anymore.

The number one reason is their relationship with their boss, their relationship with others is that they’re not feeling like, “Do I belong? Am I important? Am I growing?” It’s not the only reason. Sometimes people truly love their boss and they get a better opportunity or they’ve outgrown it or they are drawn to something new. It’s the thing we know, but we want to glaze over it because we got all this more important stuff to do to get done than doing or investing in a relationship that there is nothing more important than the relationship.

All of that is true. One of the things you were talking about is past clients. That is important because those are people you’ve already shown a lot of value to. For us, that’s our big referral source is our past clients. You definitely need to keep touch, go back and tell them how much you appreciate all the people they’re sending to you. It makes marketing much easier for you as well when you have those referral sources. You’re not dropping a huge amount of money in marketing with it. You’re big into self-care, which I love. Friday, for me is self-care day. I’d be on appointment in the morning to feel useful and the rest of the day is mine. Share a little bit about the routine that you teach for self-care because it’s important for entrepreneurs especially women entrepreneurs.

I love to say the phrase invest in the vessel. You’re the vessel, the concept fuel in the tank or the garden is that everything is energy and I think that’s worth writing down for those of you that are reading. Years ago, I remembered a successful sales trainer said that to me is that the person who comes to the sales interaction with the most energy wins. That doesn’t necessarily mean you’ve got to be a certain personality type. I’m talking about specifically are you actively and consistently, not perfectly, but regularly investing in that vessel? Where it’s a combination of if you’re moving your body, exercise, good sleep, meditation? Are you doing things off what I call your joy list?

It’s things that fill up your tank, which might be like your Friday where you’re like, “I get to go on a hike or I get a manicure. I go play nine holes of golf or I get a massage or I go with lunch with a good friend,” or something like that. It’s looking at that conversation for yourself is thinking about the things that fill your cup and that you’re regularly committed. On my website at TiffanySpeaks.com, there’s a tab at the top that says Free Resources. There are several free gifts there and lots of content throughout my site if you want to take a visit there. Specifically, there is a downloadable worksheet process called the Self Care Guide. If any of you reading are saying, “I feel burned out, I’m not sure about my purpose. I’m tired. I’m stressed a lot or I’m feeling low self-confidence with a lot of self-doubts.”

We all as humans go through those things. I still experience them even when I’m working on my self-care game. It’s about those things help offset those feelings and help put us back in the good energy, back into feeling positive, feeling productive. It’s looking at from both physical body, mind, heart and spirit. Are you filling your own cup? It’s realizing “I’m responsible for my own happiness and well-being.” Others can contribute to it. Being committed to taking better care of myself has so much influence on myself. I’m hired 99% of the time to help someone grow their sales. That’s my expertise and what I focus on. What’s fascinating to me is that the first week we establish self-care habits and work on them through the time we work together.

Many times, before we can even touch someone’s sales funnel or their sales scripting or their sales process, they already see an increase in sales. I’m never surprised by it. In the beginning I was, but now I understand it because what’s happening energetically is they’re increasing their energy and that energy is turning the light on brighter and more people are drawn in is all of your form of a magnet. We’re either bringing people in or we’re repelling. A lot of that has to do with how am I showing up energetically? Looking at for yourself, I invite you to be your own best coach. Everyone has their own best life coach if they will turn into it.

Tuning in and asking yourself, “What am I craving more of? What do I need? What is it my body needs more of?” For some of you, it might be hydration. For some of you, it might be more prioritizing your sleep, maybe having a technology bedtime for yourself. Some of us need a little bit of a curfew on that or you’re saying, “I need to declutter my bedroom or something like that. I need to get moving more regularly.” Definitely tune in and start asking, “What are some things you’re creating more of?” It might be mentally and you’re craving more time for meditation or time to read or listen to good podcasts. You’re saying, “I want to be more nourished mentally. I want to be fed.”

I know that everything being energy is how you feel. I remember once an early mentor of mine in my sales career when I first went to work for FranklinCovey Coaching. He said this statement to me. Truthfully at the time, I thought it was psychobabble talk. This is before I’d done much personal growth myself and being even aware of that. He said this statement in our sales training class. I was a few days in on the job where he said, “You will perform to your self-esteem.” Isn’t that a gem? That’s a juicy gem worth writing down. I thought, “What is he talking about?” I watched myself play that out is performing to what’s familiar and comfort zones. That self-esteem, I want you all to think about it is that your self-worth is eternally in place that you’re already because you exist, you are a worthy human. A beautiful being of my belief and I own it, it’s mine, a beautiful creation of the Divine is that you’re here and you’re worthy. Here’s the thing though as humans we don’t always feel worthy. We don’t always feel confident. We all as humans at some level deal with sometimes some forms of self-doubt or insecurity, the not enough-ness issue shows up in a different way.

Building Relationships In Sales: Your feelings and emotions’ ebb and flow is a muscle that you can exercise and strengthen in yourself.

You might feel enough at work but not enough in your parenting or vice versa or in your looks, your body image or in your bank account. It shows up in different ways for different people. What I want us to know in this conversation is self-worth is there, but our self-confidence that those feelings and emotions ebb and flow is a muscle. I believe it’s a choice and it’s a muscle like anything else that you can strengthen in yourself. Whether that’s through a form of doing what I teach a process called the mirror exercise or mirror work, your morning ritual, you’re moving your body or you’re taking time for your joy list.

On my YouTube channel, Tiffany Peterson, there’s a three-part video series. Each one is about seven, eight minutes called Self Care = Success parts one, two and three. There are three different habits shared there with you because a lot of you related to what I said, which is, “I know if I feel better, I perform better.” All of us know that, “If I feel more confident, I show up better with my sales. I’m more effective to close sales because the confidence is behind the process. My energy is in a good spot. My relationships personally or parenting if applicable to those of you that have children, it’s like your energy influences how you show up. We can influence that energy based on certain habits. That three-part series that you can find on my YouTube channel, I talk about having a morning ritual which is influential to our success is the way we start our day, shapes our day and to start your day with yourself.

Whether that’s ten minutes, what I call The Sacred Ten, the first ten minutes of your day that you can plug into meditation, reading or listening to something positive, yoga, moving your body, going on a quick jog or if you choose more time you could. It’s looking at that for yourself is that you have a morning ritual that you start your day with you. You’re the most important person to meet within your daily calendar. I want you to meet first with you before you meet with the world. The minute you’re on your technology, you’re on the agenda of someone else. The second you touch your phone, those text messages, that Instagram feed, those LinkedIn messages or whatnot, which are all fantastic. It’s, “Have you met with you first?” or are you on the agenda immediately of someone else? A morning ritual is a potent way, a small thing, but has a long-term impact. I talk about and teach them your exercise on video two and video three we talk about having a joy list.

I think everyone needs a joy list and I want to explain it briefly. It’s fascinating the research we’ve seen a lot show up in the psychology world in the last several years especially is more about the study of happiness. For many decades, psychology was studying our illnesses, neuroses or our struggles, which is very valuable to know as well. A lot of the research now, you have books like The Happiness Advantage, which is Shawn Achor’s great work where the most attended class on Harvard’s campus was a class on happiness. It’s studying what makes someone happy and research looks at that person that is happier are more likely to be more successful. That correlation does not work the opposite way that people that are more successful are happier, that doesn’t necessarily correlate. What does correlate are the happier people tend to be more successful because you’d love to be around people that are positive. It doesn’t mean you have to be positive 24/7 but that you work on it as a habit. I believe everyone needs a joy list. Coming up with the way I give the assignment is to come up with a list of 30 things, fifteen things that cost money and fifteen things that don’t cost money. That you have a variety of things that you can start identifying.

When I first was given this assignment by one of my life coaches many moons ago and he called it a happy list. I had maybe three things on there because that’s about all I could think about was like, “I like to shop. I like to travel and I like fresh flowers.” Something he told me, which I now have been living for many years is literally the fresh flowers was on the list. He said, “Tiff, I want you to give yourself flowers regularly.” That was a mindset shift for me, permission like, “What?” I always thought flowers you had to wait for someone to gift them to you. It was like, “No, give them to yourself.” Regularly for me, if I’m at Trader Joe’s or Costco, I’m picking up flowers that are throughout my home and they bring joy.

The point is, when I first started the list, I had a few things on there. With time, more things have made a list from gardening, hiking, watching a sunset, baking chocolate chip cookies, reading, time with friends, time solo, you name it. It’s a variety of things that bring you joy and that you’re regular about putting some of those things in your life. If any of you are my private coaching client, I’d say minimal. You need an hour of your joy list in your life a week. Ideally, you have at least fifteen, twenty minutes a day. It’s something where you’re regularly depositing. I’d love to hear about your joy list. Tell us about your experience.

I had the same experience. I had six things that I put down. I had a hard time finding joy. It was tough. I’m not sure why because I’m so driven. Every morning I write out ten. I have a mantra that I write as well. Things that I’m aiming to keep them top of mind so that I’m in alignment with those goals that I want to do. The joy list, that’s what Friday’s all about is I go out. I do something that I enjoy on Friday. I don’t worry about work. I disconnect for the day. I’ve learned how to disconnect for the weekend too. That’s a new thing.

What do you notice as a difference from doing that?

It’s funny because at first, it was a lot of guilt like, “I’m not working hard enough.” I got over that and I feel like I come to the table rested, relaxed and ready to go on Monday morning. I’m not stressed out like I used to be. I love the joy list.

Thank you for sharing that. It’s something you’ve touched on is permission, especially as women, for men too. I know in many conversations with women is the guilt is like, “Can I take time away from work?” or for some of them, “Can I take time away from my children? Does that make me a bad mom or does that mean I’m not a great leader if I’m taking the time?” It’s not understanding that if we circle back to when you feel better, you show up better. Whether that’s children or your work, when you’re coming from a place with more of a full cup, I know myself when I am feeling pretty good, I love work. I’m going the extra mile. The things that I love to do in friendships, relationships, I am not as easily tempted to be offended or take things personally or get my feelings hurt to be totally transparent in relationships where I can sometimes get myself in trouble. Sometimes we’re projecting on to someone else like, “Are you showing up for me enough?” versus asking yourself, “Am I showing up for myself enough?” That’s getting honest with ourselves. It’s like, “Am I taking time for me and giving yourself permission?” Juliet and I are here to hold that space for all of you that we’re giving you permission to say, “Yes, please take better care of yourself.”

Building Relationships In Sales: It’s good to read books or listen to podcasts, but what changes our life is not the content. It’s the action.

It’s funny you said that about holding the space. The joy list has put me in a place where I’m not as offended either because I’m out seeking things I like instead of overanalyzing. It’s easy to get in your head when you’re not out doing these things. You’ve been such a great guest and I appreciated you coming on. Could you share those free resources with us again before you go?

My website, my main hub is TiffanySpeaks.com. It’s pretty easy and simple. Throughout my site, there are different free downloads, but to put them in one place, there’s a tab at the top that says Free Resources. There are a couple there that you can scroll. I have a robust YouTube channel, which is Tiffany Peterson, from sales training to self-care to productivity to overcoming fear. There’s a lot of content there that’s also free that you can access. That’s another free resource as well. I spend time regularly on Instagram as well as Facebook sharing good free content as well.

Thank you so much. This has been illuminating.

Thank you so much. I have one quote that’s in my heart that I feel like I want to share. That quote is from this gentleman by the name of Foster Hubbard saying that, “Doing isn’t difficult, deciding is.” I think about the power of making decisions as we’ve had this juicy conversation and whether you needed to hear about, “I need to recommit to my relationship nourishment, getting out to lunches, writing those cards or creating a system where we’re regularly acknowledging our clientele, our employees or whatever that might be. Maybe for you it’s recommitting to date night with your significant other. Whatever you needed to hear, maybe it was relationship-oriented for you or the conversation we’ve had around self-care is I invite you, one of the ways that I know for all of us to create change in our life is I love myself to listen to great podcasts, Audibles and read good books. What changes our life is not the content. What changes our life is the action. I am inviting all of us, myself included, to think about doing isn’t difficult. Doing a morning ritual isn’t difficult. Taking time to nourish relationships isn’t difficult. It’s simply making the decision to do it. I felt my heart and I was like, “I got to share this thought.” Thank you for letting me tuck that in.

You’re welcome. Thank you.

Thanks.

Important Links:

• www.PromoteProfitPublishQuiz.com
• The Lighthouse Principles
• The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People
• Rich Dad Poor Dad
• Chicken Soup for the Soul
• Mary Kay Cosmetics
• 1,000 True Fans article
• Infusionsoft
• Free Resources
• Tiffany Peterson on YouTube
• The Happiness Advantage
• Instagram – Tiffany Peterson
• Facebook – Tiffany Peterson
• www.TiffanySpeaks.com

About Tiffany Peterson